I like monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that
odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to
look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His
name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really
bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed.
Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at
high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the
spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:
they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead.
Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn
cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my
room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked
like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for
a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real
bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want
to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately
there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change
them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so
it didn't all go bad.
I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to
extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in
my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor
wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the
bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't
allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet
one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the
frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My
friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like
them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in
the genitals.
I like monkeys
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Yeah I'm Writen' Somethin'
Ok so I re-did my blog. I think it's cool now. LOL. I've been thinking about a new post about music. So I'm trying to get it figured out. So I hope to work on that shortly. So how is everyone doing out there. Good I hope.
Ok I'm off to have some coffee.
Laters.
Ok I'm off to have some coffee.
Laters.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Friday, November 16, 2007
Kings of Leon and Eddie Vedder
Ok this is pretty fucking cool for those of you that like Kings of Leon and Eddie Vedder. Now Vedder fucks up a pair tambourines that's a first for me. LOL. So here it is.
Aesop Rock Video
Ok I'm not sure if this is going to work but if it does I'm posting a cool Aesop Rock video from his new album. Hope it works and hope you all like it.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
A List of My Own Questions I Asked Myself After A Glass of Milk
1. What is the last book you read that you'd tell a friend about?
Club Dumas. It's the book the movie Ninth Gate is based on.
2. What would you say to your last relative who passed away if you had a few minutes with them?
It'd be my grandpa Ed. I'd like to tell him that he gave me some of my fondest memories as a kid and that I love him and my grandma very very very very much.
3. What five cds do you have in your car right now that you listen to the most?
Kings of Leon - Ah Shake Heartbreak
White Stripes - Icky Thump
Mix #7 - My own mix up
Screaming Trees - Dust
Old Crow Medicine Show - Big Iron World
4. Favorite color to wear out?
Red and black or my Dickie blue jeans and a white shirt.
5. Last time you had to bitch slap someone?
A couple years ago at the Ralphs by house. "It smells like their's pussy runnin' thru you."
6. The one famous person you'd like to buy a beer for dead or alive?
Mark Twain.
7. The last thing you ate that made you want to puke?
This firehot beef stick from work. Fucking nasty as thing.
8. Car you wish you could own?
A '64 1/2 Mustang custom to my likings and one that was all original.
9. The five guys you'd like to play poker with right now?
Mark Twain, Buster Keaton, My friend Jeff, Jack White, and Jerred Weaver.
Oh and Jennifer Tilly if she played naked....sorry E I didn't say you, but I know you don't like to play.
10. The last piece of strange you had?
I'm married so my wife but before her was a chick named Kashmir.
11. Last drink you had?
With J and E. I had two Belizen Beers and a Skullspliter.
12. If you could give one piece of advise to a young child in your family what would it be?
Always be positive and look towards the sky and never let anything you can't control control you.
13. One thing you dad taught you when you were a kid that you'll tell your kid?
"To give pain you have to take pain."
14. The last music video you jerked off to?
The last one I remember right now is first Spice Girls video from their second album, but I'm guessing I've done it since. Might find a Toni Braxton video later tonite tho.
15. What's two sayings do you like to use for shits and giggles?
"Joke them if they can't take a fuck" and "Son"
16. Last time you wanted to kick a co-worker in the balls or pussy?
Today. My closer from last nite didn't get his work done even though he had 4 hours to get 2 hours worth of work done.
17. What is your dream job?
To be a good father to my future kids.
18. Where will you be come July 25th 2007?
On my way to ComicCon, Bitches!!!!!!!!!
19. Would you rather fuck 20 Paris Hilton's at the same time or 1 dream girl?
1 dream girl.
20. Did you have a good day today?
Yes for the most part I did.
Club Dumas. It's the book the movie Ninth Gate is based on.
2. What would you say to your last relative who passed away if you had a few minutes with them?
It'd be my grandpa Ed. I'd like to tell him that he gave me some of my fondest memories as a kid and that I love him and my grandma very very very very much.
3. What five cds do you have in your car right now that you listen to the most?
Kings of Leon - Ah Shake Heartbreak
White Stripes - Icky Thump
Mix #7 - My own mix up
Screaming Trees - Dust
Old Crow Medicine Show - Big Iron World
4. Favorite color to wear out?
Red and black or my Dickie blue jeans and a white shirt.
5. Last time you had to bitch slap someone?
A couple years ago at the Ralphs by house. "It smells like their's pussy runnin' thru you."
6. The one famous person you'd like to buy a beer for dead or alive?
Mark Twain.
7. The last thing you ate that made you want to puke?
This firehot beef stick from work. Fucking nasty as thing.
8. Car you wish you could own?
A '64 1/2 Mustang custom to my likings and one that was all original.
9. The five guys you'd like to play poker with right now?
Mark Twain, Buster Keaton, My friend Jeff, Jack White, and Jerred Weaver.
Oh and Jennifer Tilly if she played naked....sorry E I didn't say you, but I know you don't like to play.
10. The last piece of strange you had?
I'm married so my wife but before her was a chick named Kashmir.
11. Last drink you had?
With J and E. I had two Belizen Beers and a Skullspliter.
12. If you could give one piece of advise to a young child in your family what would it be?
Always be positive and look towards the sky and never let anything you can't control control you.
13. One thing you dad taught you when you were a kid that you'll tell your kid?
"To give pain you have to take pain."
14. The last music video you jerked off to?
The last one I remember right now is first Spice Girls video from their second album, but I'm guessing I've done it since. Might find a Toni Braxton video later tonite tho.
15. What's two sayings do you like to use for shits and giggles?
"Joke them if they can't take a fuck" and "Son"
16. Last time you wanted to kick a co-worker in the balls or pussy?
Today. My closer from last nite didn't get his work done even though he had 4 hours to get 2 hours worth of work done.
17. What is your dream job?
To be a good father to my future kids.
18. Where will you be come July 25th 2007?
On my way to ComicCon, Bitches!!!!!!!!!
19. Would you rather fuck 20 Paris Hilton's at the same time or 1 dream girl?
1 dream girl.
20. Did you have a good day today?
Yes for the most part I did.
Ok So Here It Is
So over the last week I've been dealing with a bad tooth. The kinda bad tooth that makes a person wanna kill their own mother because the beef soup is a bit cold. So I went to the dentist last Wed. and started what has become a seven day (so far) root canal. I'm hoping that come tomorrow I will be finished with it, fingers crossed. So outside of that I'm good and all is well. I'm soooo excited about ComicCon coming up. A week from tomorrow I'll be driving down to the campground and having to fix dinner for myself and two drunk-off-their-ass people I'm proud to call friends.
Hey Jeff I'm glad to see that you've moved out.....you did call man....What up? It's cool I'm sure you had it all worked out. Figured how you saved my ass you'd work me to death...LOL...LOL.
Ok that's it for now.
Ta Ta
De Boll Weevil
Hey Jeff I'm glad to see that you've moved out.....you did call man....What up? It's cool I'm sure you had it all worked out. Figured how you saved my ass you'd work me to death...LOL...LOL.
Ok that's it for now.
Ta Ta
De Boll Weevil
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
I'm Venom
Your results:
You are Venom
Click here to take the Supervillain Personality Quiz
You are Venom
| Strength, disguise and adrenaline are your greatest weapons. |
Click here to take the Supervillain Personality Quiz
Thursday, April 26, 2007
99 Questions.....Cause I Can
Ok so I stole this from Jeff and he stole if from someone else so here it goes...
1. What is the last alcoholic beverage you drank?
A Dos Equis while Bar B Qing the other nite.
2. Do you follow college football?
Nope. Don't really like college sports.
3. Who took this survey before you?
Jeff.
4. who was the last person to send you a text message?
My wife.
5. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
Around a year, year and a half ago.
6. Are you happy?
For the most part.
7. Where was the last place you went shopping?
Big Lots today.
8. How do you feel about your hair?
It's cool, I'm growing it out again.
9. Where do you live?
Orange, CA.
10. Last thing you ate?
Some frys and nuggets from the golden arches.
11.Do you wish you were some place else right now?
On the road with my wife and a dog.
12. Last time you were kissed?
This afternoon.
13. Do you have any expensive jewelry?
Not realy the wedding ring my mom bought for me is about it.
14. AIM or MSN?
AIM.
15. What classes are you taking?
Whatever they offer at the School of Hard Knocks.
16. How many hours on average do you work a week?
40.
17. Who do you like right now?
The people I live with and my two dearest friends.
18. Do you watch the olympics?
Nope not unless my wife will be watching it while I sleep or when the Football is on (soccer for the whites).
19. Last restaurant you went to?
Chilis.
21. Who was the last person to call you?
My sister.
22. What's your sign?
Pisces, baby.
23. Do you have a favorite number?
13
24. Last time you did volunteer work or made any donation?
When I was a handyman.
25. What do you spend the majority of your money on?
Right now bills so that way I can spend money on comics, seeing the Angels play, and money for Belize next year.
26. Where does most of your family live?
A bit of everywhere.
27. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
I have 1 whole blooded sister, a half sister, a step sister, and a step brother.
28. Ever been called a hoe/slut?
Nope. But I should look into that.
29. Ever been called a bitch?
Yes. I smacked the motherfucker and that was the last time he said a bad thing to anyone within earshot of me.
30. Favorite kind of beer?
Guinness and Qustion #1 isn't bad also Red Stripe is O.k.
32. Have you ever experienced true love?
Yeah. I'm married to her.
33. Did you ever collect Beanie Babies?
No. I do have some in my truck.
35. Myspace or Facebook?
Fuck'em both.
36. Do you have T-Mobile?
That I do but going back to Cingular.
37. What is your favorite subject?
Music, pussy, and anything that I enjoy.
38. Do you sometimes wish you were someone else?
No, just a richer version of myself.
39. Fall for the bad girls/guys or good girls/guys?
Both in one.
40. do you like school?
I fucking hated school.
42. Do you have any talents?
I sorta sing and play the guitar.
44. Do you have any children?
Ha. You wish.
45. Last movie you saw?
Crank.
46. Are you missing anyone at the moment?
Nope.
47. Did you take a nap today?
Nope.
49. Ever been on a cruise?
Nope. Got no fucking money.
50. Favorite vacation spot?
Kentucky and Vegas.
51. Favorite genre of music?
That's hard since I listen to almost everything.
52. Do you have any wealthy friends?
Nope. I have a lot of poor ones, tho.
53. Ever met anyone famous before?
I talked to Steven Tyler at Disneyland for about 30 seconds.
54. Favorite actor/actress?
Man that's really harrrd. I love Bencio Del Toro, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Natalie Portman.
56. Are you multi-tasking right now?
Sure. I'm doing this,burning movies, and cleaning the room.
57. Could you handle being in the military?
Maybe if I was a sharpshooter.
58. Are you hungry or thirsty?
Both, go fix me something!
59. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Ummmmmmmmmm.
60. Favorite Nightclub and bar?
Stubricks is cool in Fullerton.
61. What is your average cell phone bill?
$110
62. Do you own a camera phone?
Fuck yeah, bitch.
63. Ever had to take a sobriety test?
Nope. I don't drink and drive
65. Can you speak any other languages?
Nope but I can understand Cerole.
66. Last time you went to the gym or worked out?
Every day I go to work.
67. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
6. 2 pairs of work boots, 3 pairs of nite/walking when I'm not at work shoes, and 1 pair of I don't care what happens to these shoes .
68. Do you have a photo hosting site that you use?
That I do not although I may have one when I get back from Con.
69. Last place you were at?
Big Lots.
70. What was your high school mascot?
Went to four diffrent high schools in four diffrent states so I have no fucking idea.
71. Ever been to Las Vegas?
Yeah, but it's been a while. Can't wait to get back.
72. Ever been to Mexico for spring break?
Nope.
73. Have you ever bought condoms?
C'mon, you all know I wrap my shit.
74. Do you have any regrets?
None. I'm who I am because of my choices and I like to think that I'm a good person and a good friend.
75. What do you think is your best feature?
People say my eyes so I guess my cock.
76. Have you ever been gambling?
Yes. I love gambling.
77. How old are your parents?
50ish years old.
79. Do you have your wisdom teeth?
Nope.
80. Favorite place to be?
On a nice sunny 70 degree day any MLB park watching a game is a great place to be, but I have a ton of other places I like to be .
81. Have you ever been to New York City?
Yes and yes it's a beautiful place to see.
82. Favorite sit down restaurant?
Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles, Chilis, Woodranch, and Z's is really good.
83. Ever been to Disney Land/World?
Yeah, I do live in Anaheim, after all.
84. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
Steamboat Willie, Stewie, and Scrooge McDuck.
85. Last thing you cooked?
Bar B Qed chicken.
86. How is the weather today?
Beautiful, actually.
87. Do you e-mail?
Sorta?
89. Favorite store?
My comic store, hardware store and any place my wife buys thongs from.
90. Last voicemail you received?
My sister
91. Do you drunk dial?
Nope.
92. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
I have to say I've never done anything stupid with mine except drop it.
93. What is the best city that you have lived in?
Lexington and Orange.
94. Favorite band/Artist?
Well that is a whole other list longer then this one but right now I love the White Stripes (new album comes out June 18th), Tom Waits, Kings Leon, Old Crow Medicine Show.
95. Last time you were sick?
About a month and a half ago.
96. Are you lactose intolerant or do you have IBS?
Nope.
97. Last concert you went to?
Shit, it's been a while. I saw John Williams conduct and James Taylor on the same stage.
98. Ready for the weekend?
I work on weekends.
99. What did you do last night?
Not much watched TV
Ok there it is. Have fun and Ta Ta for now
De Boll Weevil
1. What is the last alcoholic beverage you drank?
A Dos Equis while Bar B Qing the other nite.
2. Do you follow college football?
Nope. Don't really like college sports.
3. Who took this survey before you?
Jeff.
4. who was the last person to send you a text message?
My wife.
5. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
Around a year, year and a half ago.
6. Are you happy?
For the most part.
7. Where was the last place you went shopping?
Big Lots today.
8. How do you feel about your hair?
It's cool, I'm growing it out again.
9. Where do you live?
Orange, CA.
10. Last thing you ate?
Some frys and nuggets from the golden arches.
11.Do you wish you were some place else right now?
On the road with my wife and a dog.
12. Last time you were kissed?
This afternoon.
13. Do you have any expensive jewelry?
Not realy the wedding ring my mom bought for me is about it.
14. AIM or MSN?
AIM.
15. What classes are you taking?
Whatever they offer at the School of Hard Knocks.
16. How many hours on average do you work a week?
40.
17. Who do you like right now?
The people I live with and my two dearest friends.
18. Do you watch the olympics?
Nope not unless my wife will be watching it while I sleep or when the Football is on (soccer for the whites).
19. Last restaurant you went to?
Chilis.
21. Who was the last person to call you?
My sister.
22. What's your sign?
Pisces, baby.
23. Do you have a favorite number?
13
24. Last time you did volunteer work or made any donation?
When I was a handyman.
25. What do you spend the majority of your money on?
Right now bills so that way I can spend money on comics, seeing the Angels play, and money for Belize next year.
26. Where does most of your family live?
A bit of everywhere.
27. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
I have 1 whole blooded sister, a half sister, a step sister, and a step brother.
28. Ever been called a hoe/slut?
Nope. But I should look into that.
29. Ever been called a bitch?
Yes. I smacked the motherfucker and that was the last time he said a bad thing to anyone within earshot of me.
30. Favorite kind of beer?
Guinness and Qustion #1 isn't bad also Red Stripe is O.k.
32. Have you ever experienced true love?
Yeah. I'm married to her.
33. Did you ever collect Beanie Babies?
No. I do have some in my truck.
35. Myspace or Facebook?
Fuck'em both.
36. Do you have T-Mobile?
That I do but going back to Cingular.
37. What is your favorite subject?
Music, pussy, and anything that I enjoy.
38. Do you sometimes wish you were someone else?
No, just a richer version of myself.
39. Fall for the bad girls/guys or good girls/guys?
Both in one.
40. do you like school?
I fucking hated school.
42. Do you have any talents?
I sorta sing and play the guitar.
44. Do you have any children?
Ha. You wish.
45. Last movie you saw?
Crank.
46. Are you missing anyone at the moment?
Nope.
47. Did you take a nap today?
Nope.
49. Ever been on a cruise?
Nope. Got no fucking money.
50. Favorite vacation spot?
Kentucky and Vegas.
51. Favorite genre of music?
That's hard since I listen to almost everything.
52. Do you have any wealthy friends?
Nope. I have a lot of poor ones, tho.
53. Ever met anyone famous before?
I talked to Steven Tyler at Disneyland for about 30 seconds.
54. Favorite actor/actress?
Man that's really harrrd. I love Bencio Del Toro, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Natalie Portman.
56. Are you multi-tasking right now?
Sure. I'm doing this,burning movies, and cleaning the room.
57. Could you handle being in the military?
Maybe if I was a sharpshooter.
58. Are you hungry or thirsty?
Both, go fix me something!
59. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Ummmmmmmmmm.
60. Favorite Nightclub and bar?
Stubricks is cool in Fullerton.
61. What is your average cell phone bill?
$110
62. Do you own a camera phone?
Fuck yeah, bitch.
63. Ever had to take a sobriety test?
Nope. I don't drink and drive
65. Can you speak any other languages?
Nope but I can understand Cerole.
66. Last time you went to the gym or worked out?
Every day I go to work.
67. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
6. 2 pairs of work boots, 3 pairs of nite/walking when I'm not at work shoes, and 1 pair of I don't care what happens to these shoes .
68. Do you have a photo hosting site that you use?
That I do not although I may have one when I get back from Con.
69. Last place you were at?
Big Lots.
70. What was your high school mascot?
Went to four diffrent high schools in four diffrent states so I have no fucking idea.
71. Ever been to Las Vegas?
Yeah, but it's been a while. Can't wait to get back.
72. Ever been to Mexico for spring break?
Nope.
73. Have you ever bought condoms?
C'mon, you all know I wrap my shit.
74. Do you have any regrets?
None. I'm who I am because of my choices and I like to think that I'm a good person and a good friend.
75. What do you think is your best feature?
People say my eyes so I guess my cock.
76. Have you ever been gambling?
Yes. I love gambling.
77. How old are your parents?
50ish years old.
79. Do you have your wisdom teeth?
Nope.
80. Favorite place to be?
On a nice sunny 70 degree day any MLB park watching a game is a great place to be, but I have a ton of other places I like to be .
81. Have you ever been to New York City?
Yes and yes it's a beautiful place to see.
82. Favorite sit down restaurant?
Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles, Chilis, Woodranch, and Z's is really good.
83. Ever been to Disney Land/World?
Yeah, I do live in Anaheim, after all.
84. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
Steamboat Willie, Stewie, and Scrooge McDuck.
85. Last thing you cooked?
Bar B Qed chicken.
86. How is the weather today?
Beautiful, actually.
87. Do you e-mail?
Sorta?
89. Favorite store?
My comic store, hardware store and any place my wife buys thongs from.
90. Last voicemail you received?
My sister
91. Do you drunk dial?
Nope.
92. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
I have to say I've never done anything stupid with mine except drop it.
93. What is the best city that you have lived in?
Lexington and Orange.
94. Favorite band/Artist?
Well that is a whole other list longer then this one but right now I love the White Stripes (new album comes out June 18th), Tom Waits, Kings Leon, Old Crow Medicine Show.
95. Last time you were sick?
About a month and a half ago.
96. Are you lactose intolerant or do you have IBS?
Nope.
97. Last concert you went to?
Shit, it's been a while. I saw John Williams conduct and James Taylor on the same stage.
98. Ready for the weekend?
I work on weekends.
99. What did you do last night?
Not much watched TV
Ok there it is. Have fun and Ta Ta for now
De Boll Weevil
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